Thursday, February 24, 2011

Sometimes the answer is no…

Unfortunately, the third time is not the charm in our baby situation. We went for our appointment Tuesday; we got there at 2:30 and didn’t leave until like 5pm. This was the first appointment where neither Steven nor I were really nervous about go to… we just felt we’d finally made it past the danger zone and we were really excited about this baby. Finally, around 3:50 the nurse called us back. My doctor came in about 4pm. (I was keeping up with the time because I had to be a school at 4:30 and I had 2 presentations that night!) Anyways, the doc came in and started trying to find the baby’s heartbeat but couldn’t. She told me not to panic so I really didn’t…I was just thinking how stubborn this kid was and how I was going to be late for class, but on the other hand I was secretly happy that I was getting to have another sonogram because I was aching to see the baby’s sweet face & I wanted to see how big it was getting. But when we got to the sono room I got nervous and very scared. The lady had to finish up with the last patient so I had to wait a minute and I started to feel the tears build up…I just all of a sudden had a bad feeling. So she got everything ready and started…and the baby was bigger..I could see it’s spine and it’s arms & legs were longer…but there was nothing where the heart should be beating. Just nothing. My heart broke. In a split second, all our hopes and dreams were gone.
So, we’re faced with our 3rd miscarriage in a year. It honestly feels like a horrible nightmare that you can’t wake up from. This is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever been through…it’s just horrible…I wouldn’t wish the heartbreak on my worst enemy.
Tomorrow night I go to the hospital to have the baby and I’m scared. I don’t know what to expect and I don’t know how I’m going to feel when this is all over. But I know I’m so blessed to have such wonderful friends and family. Everyone has been was wonderful and supportive. The prayers are really bringing us comfort.
I don’t understand why Steven and I are having to endure something so horrible, but I do know that God is with us and HE is going to take care of us and get us through this terrible time. We are heartbroken, sad, angry, and scared…but we will get through this…we always have! These three miscarriages are a very big part of my life…but they are not going to define my life. I don’t ever want to forget about these three babies we’ve lost this past year…but I do want to move on and hope for success in the future when it comes to expanding our family.
Please keep us in your prayers!!

Sunday, February 13, 2011

The First 3 Months

We found out on December 10, 2010 we were going to have a baby. I was shaking I was so nervous to find out...but I knew I was pregnant. Three pregnancies in one kind-of know when it happens.

Us the night we found out.

2 months (8 weeks)

3 months (12 weeks)

So far I've gained 1 pound. Now that I'm not so nauseated maybe I'll start gaining some baby weight.

Mixed Blessings

We’re going to have a baby!!! I’m so excited, happy, thankful, nervous, and scared. Our journey to parenthood has been anything but normal or easy. I must start from the beginning.
Last January (2010), the hubby and I decided we were ready to try to start a family. I was turning 30 in May and I knew it was time to make a we’d been married for 3 years, had our nice home, both have vehicles that work, and we have good stable jobs. So I went for my yearly checkup around the middle of January and talked to my doctor about getting started on trying to get pregnant. I told her how I wanted to get pregnant in the summer so I could have a baby around May or June…that way I could be off all summer long with a baby. My doctor told me, “all teachers say that…but don’t count on it working out the way you want it”…so after talking to Steven we just decided we’d stop trying to prevent a pregnancy and see what happened.
Five weeks later, while Steven was out of town for work, I took a pregnancy test and it was positive!! I was shocked I got pregnant the first month of trying. I couldn’t tell Steven over the phone we were going to have a baby because I had to see his face and reaction…so I kept quiet for about a week and a half. When he came home from his trip I handed him a card that said, “You’re going to be a daddy!” He was shocked and excited. We decided to stay quiet about the pregnancy until we went to the first OB appointment to make sure everything was okay.
Well, that day came, and everything wasn’t okay. During the sonogram the lady told us that the baby was only measuring 6 weeks instead of 9 weeks like it was suppose to and there wasn’t a heartbeat. I was heartbroken. Steven was heartbroken. We were both in shock. A couple of weeks later I had a D&C which was a horrible experience. It didn’t hurt but it was just an awful thing to go through. My doc told us we had to wait 3 months before we could try again.
So we waited the months and decided to try again. Once again, after the first month of trying, I was pregnant again! This time we were happy but scared. I went for blood work at 5 weeks and everything looked good. We went for a sonogram at 6 weeks and the baby had a heartbeat! We were so excited…Steven thought we were going to make it this time…but when we went back at 7 weeks for another sonogram…no heartbeat. Another miscarriage. More heartache. This time it was worse because we knew something was wrong.
I had another D&C, doc told us we had to wait 3 more months before trying…and she decided to run tests on both of us to see if she could find out what was going wrong. After a few weeks all the tests results came back….all normal. So we were still at ground zero… no answers why we had 2 miscarriages and really didn’t know what to do to keep from have a third miscarriage.
The next few months were hard…very hard. October was probably the lowest point because that was when the first baby was due. Then the holidays were upon us…I love the holidays but couldn’t help from thinking about what it would have been like with our baby. I lost a lot of weight during the time…I just didn’t have an appetite. Through it all, Steven was my rock. He was so good about listening to me cry about stuff and being a shoulder to lean on. And we both leaned on God. I don’t know how people get through life without depending on God. He gets us through the roughest toughest times in our life. God has a perfect plan for us all and he’s always looking out for our best interest.
November came around and we could try again. So once again, we decided we’d give it a try. And for the third time, I got pregnant after the first month of trying. I found out on December 10th I was pregnant. I cried a little, but I was so excited. The next week I went for my blood tests and everything was good. My doc put me on progesterone and baby aspirin this pregnancy. At 5 weeks, I had a sonogram and everything looked good, but the baby was too little to really see. At 6 weeks, I went back for another sonogram and the baby had a heartbeat!!! At 7 weeks, I thought I was having another miscarriage (I had never made it past 6 weeks in the past) so I went in for another sonogram and the baby was fine and had a healthy heartbeat. I cried when I saw the heart beating. I was so relieved. We went back at 8 weeks for another sonogram, and the baby was still growing with a healthy heartbeat. Two weeks later we went back in for another sonogram and the baby was growing, had a strong heartbeat, and was moving!!! We went back two weeks later and the doc heard the baby’s heartbeat on the Doppler. I was so happy!!!
Last night we had the whole family over for a Valentine’s Day celebration and then surprised them with our good news. They were all so happy for us. Now our little secret is out and it makes me even more excited about this baby. It’s nice to finally be able to talk about our baby with family and friends.
I’m so so so so happy we’re expecting this baby!!! I can’t wait for August 25th to get here!!! I’m so ready to hold him/her and kiss him/her and love on him/her.

Friday, February 4, 2011

The H Word

I know it's not nice to say the H word, but I'm going to. I HATE all this cold weather! I am SO ready for spring and warmer weather to be here! I HATE wearing a bunch of bulky clothes. I HATE being stuck inside all the time. I HATE seeing bare trees. I just don't like winter very much at all.

I am SO looking forward to warmer days, leaves on the trees, beautiful flowers starting to bloom and flip flops! I can't wait to go get my first pedicure of the spring! I hope it's not too much longer until warmer weather gets here.